I call this 'chasing the sensation' i'm doing that too. Used to run 8:30s and now its 11:30s, long unplanned break in there but still.... WTF. I want it to feel like it used to. I get glimpses, maybe it will someday? Im willing to give it time and a shot. It wont feel better by not running, I know that much. that fairy godmother quote is perfect.... where the heck is she?!
Thanks for sharing where you are Cate! For me, Running, like anything I’m in relationship with, has ebbed and flowed depending on where I was with life and life was with me. When my kids were dominating my time and were the priority I felt this imposed pressure ; i should be feeling more Desiree to do this/ I should be more disciplined about it. I can’t say if I was more resentful of running or myself at the time. But I did what I could. Then, as you may remember, I found myself in a group when I felt I wanted and needed accountability and community and that served a great purpose at the time.
And then it didn’t. For reasons you mentioned.
I will say this, I was on a run the other night, alone and was thinking about how it’s my favorite way to run. By myself. Alone in my body and mind. Distracted only by what’s going on outside of me and felt the joy it gives me. The freedom to walk out anywhere, at anytime without much of anything. The simplicity of it. Which is why I started 24 years ago in the first place; I just needed to run so I could let go
So much of this resonates for me. (Excuse the forthcoming tome). Running used to be this fun thing that I took somewhat seriously. Most of my friends and non-work related events centered around running pre-kids.
Now running gets squeezed in when possible and is 95% solo (or pushing my kids) — not with running buddies. The only reason I’m still able to occasionally meet up with friends (who are understanding of my time limitations and don’t want to run 20 miles with the last 10 at 3:10 marathon race pace - who was I that I ever did that???) is because my husband has a flexible job and is willing to give me that time on some weekends.
I’ve actually been avoiding signing up for a race since I’ve had my second kid because I’m afraid I won’t come close to times I used to run, and then what will that say about me? But I bit the bullet and registered for a 10k with a friend in the fall. So I’m doing the thing.
Over the past 4 years I’ve given myself more grace in my running then I ever had before, because I told myself “well, you’re pregnant “ or “you just had a baby” or you’re still sustaining a baby” . No one expects you to be what you were before.
But now? We’re done having kids (I LOVE the baby stage but am also excited for what’s to come) and I’m suddenly feeling this internal pressure to ramp up the miles, do more “serious” workouts because, well, isn’t that what I “should” be doing?
So many emotions. So much internal dialogue. Expectations— for myself, what I think others have for me. Fears. That my fastest days are already behind me. It makes me wonder what is ahead and questioning how to take steps forward.
So much of my identity was wrapped up in being a runner. Now so much if it is in being a mom of two young boys. But I’m also more than those two things…right?
I call this 'chasing the sensation' i'm doing that too. Used to run 8:30s and now its 11:30s, long unplanned break in there but still.... WTF. I want it to feel like it used to. I get glimpses, maybe it will someday? Im willing to give it time and a shot. It wont feel better by not running, I know that much. that fairy godmother quote is perfect.... where the heck is she?!
Thanks for sharing where you are Cate! For me, Running, like anything I’m in relationship with, has ebbed and flowed depending on where I was with life and life was with me. When my kids were dominating my time and were the priority I felt this imposed pressure ; i should be feeling more Desiree to do this/ I should be more disciplined about it. I can’t say if I was more resentful of running or myself at the time. But I did what I could. Then, as you may remember, I found myself in a group when I felt I wanted and needed accountability and community and that served a great purpose at the time.
And then it didn’t. For reasons you mentioned.
I will say this, I was on a run the other night, alone and was thinking about how it’s my favorite way to run. By myself. Alone in my body and mind. Distracted only by what’s going on outside of me and felt the joy it gives me. The freedom to walk out anywhere, at anytime without much of anything. The simplicity of it. Which is why I started 24 years ago in the first place; I just needed to run so I could let go
So much of this resonates for me. (Excuse the forthcoming tome). Running used to be this fun thing that I took somewhat seriously. Most of my friends and non-work related events centered around running pre-kids.
Now running gets squeezed in when possible and is 95% solo (or pushing my kids) — not with running buddies. The only reason I’m still able to occasionally meet up with friends (who are understanding of my time limitations and don’t want to run 20 miles with the last 10 at 3:10 marathon race pace - who was I that I ever did that???) is because my husband has a flexible job and is willing to give me that time on some weekends.
I’ve actually been avoiding signing up for a race since I’ve had my second kid because I’m afraid I won’t come close to times I used to run, and then what will that say about me? But I bit the bullet and registered for a 10k with a friend in the fall. So I’m doing the thing.
Over the past 4 years I’ve given myself more grace in my running then I ever had before, because I told myself “well, you’re pregnant “ or “you just had a baby” or you’re still sustaining a baby” . No one expects you to be what you were before.
But now? We’re done having kids (I LOVE the baby stage but am also excited for what’s to come) and I’m suddenly feeling this internal pressure to ramp up the miles, do more “serious” workouts because, well, isn’t that what I “should” be doing?
So many emotions. So much internal dialogue. Expectations— for myself, what I think others have for me. Fears. That my fastest days are already behind me. It makes me wonder what is ahead and questioning how to take steps forward.
So much of my identity was wrapped up in being a runner. Now so much if it is in being a mom of two young boys. But I’m also more than those two things…right?